When as part of the admissions process, there is an opportunity to meet parents or other care givers, one of the first pieces of advice that is shared with them is to take care of themselves while their loved one is in treatment. Many parents are still fighting back tears in anticipation of a long separation from their youth or are perhaps bewildered; never having pictured themselves in the process of admitting their child into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. At the same time, however, they are reminded that they are facing the first of many nights of knowing where their child is, that he or she is safe, and even more importantly that they are taking steps in the right direction to turn their life around.
The loved ones of residents are highly encouraged to participate in their treatment and are advised that this can occur directly and indirectly. Questions about phone calls, visitation, mail and care packages are frequent. During the admissions process one of our family support specialists may tell parents about family sessions during visitation where they come together as a family to work out some of their most pressing issues.
The indirect part of treatment, however, may be more important and more long-lasting. While residents devote ninety-plus days of intense work on changing their lives; it is important that similar growth and development be occurring in preparation for their transition home. While residents can focus almost solely on their recovery, those at home face the daily challenges of everyday life competing for their attention. The support required by someone in early recovery from family members and others is an important building block in their long-term success.
At the beginning of the treatment process, few understand the radical implications of a loved one’s recovery and the fact that it may require addressing family issues that to others seem to have no tangential relationship to the addiction. Others are worried about violating the “code of secrecy” so common in families suffering from the effects of addiction; while others are struggling, to the point of stasis, and at a loss as to how best to help.
Tolstoy’s line, “every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way,” comes into play. Each situation is unique, but there are some standard recommendations. The first is simple. Catch up on the missed sleep and relax. The constant state of “high alert” common when one loves an addict is detrimental to one’s health in the short and long term. This may be difficult but do it. Spend time with your other children and work on your relationship with your significant other; relationships that might have been neglected as your attention had been focused on the immediate needs of your resident.
Attending mutual support-group meetings of organizations such as Al-Anon; can provide you with support and resources as you navigate through the process. There, you can learn how to advocate for your loved one, while at the same point learning how to take care of yourself through setting healthy boundaries, improving your communication skills, and learning about addiction and relapse.
“Putting your own oxygen mask on first” is a simple concept but can be difficult for natural caregivers to practice. While your loved one is in treatment, however, is the perfect opportunity to practice; rather than when they first are transitioning back into the “real world.” Directly or indirectly, parents’ support for their loved one is invaluable to them and something they are likely to need for a long time. Parents’ ability to practice self-care is directly related to their ability to provide that support in the future, because if they do not, regardless of their personal stamina and fortitude, at some point they can become overwhelmed and no good to anyone.
– Aron McLaughlin, Rose Hill Primary Counselor
